15. Little Things

Showering. You never really appreciate how good a shower is until you can't have one, or you can't wash yourself well, or you have to try and avoid wetting one part of your body. I finally was able to have a full shower again with the drain out and a waterproof dressing over the hole in my side. Mobility of my right side is getting better with exercises, after a week I can lift my arm above my head, almost with a straight arm if I start raising it with my hand out to the front of my body. If I start out the the side I can get about 45 degrees above my head. Baby steps...or baby arms? I can wash my own hair without too much pain or awkwardness now. I am grateful we have a shower with a handheld hose option as this makes it much easier. Some not so good things about showering is the feeling is coming back to the numb parts of my arm, mainly the outside of my arm from elbow to shoulder. It is VERY sensitive and just the water dropping on it fells like needles are piercing my skin.

Clothing. I previously wrote about the hunt for an appropriate bra/top or "boobie holster" as I have been calling them. They have been very comfortable as the weather has been getting hotter, in a rapid and dramatic rise where Mother Nature says "I have flooded you for 18 months and now I am going to burn you to a crisp" type of way. Why is hot weather related to boobie holsters? For anyone with big boobs you know of the sweaty and gross feeling you can get when they aren't contained. The boobie holsters also protect my side a bit and make sure that the dressing stays on better as the nurses are coming every 3 days now. Clothing I am finding it difficult to wear include anything with sleeves - sensitive arm remember. That isn't a big deal though as I generally don't wear sleeves most of the year. I have a blue top I like to wear but the fabric feels super scratchy and uncomfortable under my arm and armpit (also like knives) so that's been put away for a while.

Early Christmas presents. I made my five nieces and two nephews Christmas stockings this year. I wanted to give them a bit early so they kids could hang them up on Christmas Eve. My aim was to not spend any money, but use up my fabric stash. I cross stitched an Aussie animal for the front and then used the crumb piecing method to sew the rest of the front and then back. Each one got a white cuff and I cross stitched their names to match the colours in the animal picture and this went on the cuff. Each stocking had a colour theme which matched the animal as well. The kids all loved their stockings and it was so lovely to see their smiles after taking all year to make them, between assignments and during holidays.

Pavlova stories! I don't like pavlova, I don't like meringue but I love to bake things. Before the party, Evie came up early and we made a pavlova for her grandma Ros as it had been her birthday the day before. Evie very diligently slowly poured the sugar into the egg whites and then built the pavlova shape herself. She made a mini pavlova for "testing purposes". It turned out perfectly and the mini one passed the taste test. I need to back track a little bit to explain a pavlova memory I have from my teenage years, or maybe it was early 20's. Mither had made a pavlova, decorated to perfection with cream and fruit. It was sitting on the end of the counter in the kitchen, in front of where the kitchen phone used to be (for those who know the kitchen layout). Above this are kitchen cupboards and on top of those sits (or used to sit) two big fat phone books. Mither is very good at pulling the bottom one out quickly and the top would fall back neatly onto the top of the cupboard. Weeeeeelllllll not this time. In almost slow motion the top phone book slams down flat on top of the pavlova and whoosh, splat the pavlova is obliterated, cream and meringue was fired out and spread around the kitchen like some sort of snow storm. My sisters and I still laugh at the memory. Back to the pavlova made with Evie, it was time to put it onto a plate and decorate it. Mither had a nice glass plate to use and gave it a wash and was drying it while I took the baking paper off the back of the pavlova. I lightly held it and said "quick, better put this onto the plate before we have another pavlova disaster story from this kitchen" and then hearing a crack and the whole thing started to cave in. Lightning fast I placed it back onto the baking tray before the floor was decorated in the inside goo, I mean marshmallow, and outside shards which make up a pavlova. Ange and I look at each other wide eyed and burst out laughing hysterically. Mither starts to giggle. We try to be quiet as the pavlova is a surprise for Ros and we didn't want everyone to come into the kitchen and see what was happening. The pavlova still had a pretty good shape and we were able to get it onto the serving plate. The meringue shards were placed around the edges and some on top. We kept a few back to place on top to decorate. Evie and Aneira heaped cream on top and then covered it with berries and poked in the extra shards. It looked like a professional pavlova! And the best thing is, another hilarious pavlova story for the memories.

Dry skin. My right arm skin gets dry very quickly. After some research my hunch was correct that when there is nerve damage, then the skin can't sweat properly and so can get dry. I have a moisturiser I made that is pure jojoba oil with some drops of lavender, frankincense and rosemary. It helps with the dry skin situation. If I didn't put anything on then my arm would look like it had a bad case of dandruff, or like I'd decided to coat my arm in rice flakes.

Nephew attack! I'm the aunt where the kids would jump on me, I'd swing them around, be rough, tickling, crazy stuff. When I had the drain in they could see it and so was gentle around me. April and Ash were here on Tuesday. I don't think it was a full moon but they were WILD like it was a super moon and they had eaten 10kg of sugar. I was sitting at the kitchen table when Ash came up behind me and whacked me hard with both hands, on my sides, right on the drain hole. Like he was clapping his hands and I was in the middle. FIRE!!!! It felt like someone had poured molten metal into my side, down my arm, into my armpit and along my right boob. I yelled something, I don't remember what. Ash realised he'd done something bad and when I was trying to breath Mither reminded the kids that I was still healing and had a very sore side. I could feel myself starting to cry and didn't want Ash to feel extra bad when it has been an accident and so went to lie down in my bed. Of course the kids followed me, saw I was crying and rushed upstairs to tell Mither. She explained to them that it had hurt a lot and I needed some space and rest. The fire feeling started to go away after a while and I think I dropped off to sleep for a bit too. After I had recovered (somewhat, it took a couple of days to get back to how I'd been feeling before the whack attack) we made a chocolate zucchini bread https://preppykitchen.com/chocolate-zucchini-bread/ which was absolutely delicious. I highly recommend. The BIG zucchini (with added boggle eyes, thanks Dyl) had come from Shell and Dyl's garden and we only used half of it in the cake. The other half I made zucchini fritters.

Dentist. Finally got my cracked tooth fixed. It was giving me some tongue ulcers on that side which was annoying. The dentist asks me "Sometimes fillings like this can fall out if you are clenching your teeth a lot, sometimes at night. Have you had any extra stress lately?" Stress? Nope, not really. Just end of semester assessments, job hunting, getting a job, starting a job, getting diagnosed with breast cancer, thousands of appointments, an operation, a drain in my side, not being able to see.....Nope, no stress really!!! Yeah, maybe I was clenching my teeth and not realising it. Anyway, she fixed it up, checked the rest of my teeth to make sure they are ok. With chemo you can't have any extensive dental work as there is a high risk of infection. Cleaning and regular fillings are ok but any type of root canal etc is bad. During the whole appointment it was a challenge for the dentist. She was on my right side and the cord for the drill needed to be held up by the assistant as it was going to rest right on the sensitive part of my arm. Didn't want to move or jump when she was drilling in my mouth! Her top brushed it a couple of times and I managed to not move apart from a sharp intake of breath. She apologised and tried to sit further away which made it a bit awkward but in the end it was all done.

I wrote to the cancer council about needing to have more online access for people who are vision impaired. I had a hunt on their website and couldn't find any links to audio copies of their booklets and information pages. You can download the PDF's and I know their are PDF readers but they should have more options on their page. I haven't heard back, maybe sometimes in the new year. People are probably on holidays.

Finally able to sleep on my left side. Still awkward but I have worked out that if I put two pillows in front of me and hug them then that is the most comfortable for my right arm and side. I can't quite sleep that way through the night but it is amazing to be able to be in a different position.

Massage bliss. I had a wonderful lymph draining massage on Monday. I'm used to deep tissue massage that aren't that relaxing during them but afterwards I would always feel great. This was gentle and afterwards I felt a lot more freedom of movement on my right shoulder area. I had realised that I had been hunching up my right arm and shoulder, protection type thing. I keep reminding myself to lower my shoulder down and pull my shoulder back now. Lying on my stomach wasn't going to happen so it was all on my back. I think someone needs to design massage tables (an chiro tables) with holes or a gap (or the option) for boobs. They have pregnancy tables where the belly hangs through, why not boobs hanging through. That would make it easier for people who have had a chunk of their boob removed with scar tissue, but also, just having big boobs makes it awkward to lie on your stomach for a massage. That night was the first night I slept through the night since the operation. As I said, massage bliss.