3. Hector the Horrible's Biopsy

Monday. Biopsy time for Hector. Only fitting that he should be poked and prodded too. Took the train to Hurstville and walked up to the imaging place. As usual, they were running behind times. Lucky for me I had my AuStudy centrelink health card so the biopsy was free for me. Otherwise, it would have been a few hundred dollars. Money at this point was running low and my AuStudy payments were stopping on November 10th. I'd already used up my savings. Masks requested in the clinic - why is it that my nose starts to stuff up when I wear one?

Finally I was called in. The lady called me Caroline. What is wrong with people? Can they not read? L....Y.....N is not LINE. Huff. Let it go, it's not the time to bring it up, less talking in a mask is recommended anyway. Limits the nose stuffiness.

Strip off again, getting used to showing strangers my boobs. I was given a paper gown...oh great paper mache time again. The lady said "put this on, open at the front". Riiiiiiight, is this a 'one size fits all' (snort - whoever thought that is possible) situation because it ain't gonna fit. I settle for lying down and placing the gown on top. Lady come in again, slathers up the right boob and surrounds. Maybe I should buy shares in ultrasound gel.... Awkward and weird massage feeling again to locate Hector. 2 o'clock seems to be the description of where he is located.

A knock at the door, in walks the doctor who will do the biopsy. He explains what will happen. He'll numb the area with local anaesthetic, do a 5mm cut, then do 4 or 5 cores of Hector. He shows me that needle for that. Can that be classified as a needle for humans? Bloody large if you ask me. Doctor sits down and proceeds to stab my boob multiple times. He waits for a minute and then pokes me and says "Any pain?" Yep! "Ok, I'll do a few more injections and we'll wait again". Again he says "Any pain?', not this time. He takes the paddle off the nurse and locates Hector. He pushing the biopsy needle in, I can feel the pressure going in but no pain. He clicks a button and the needle pulls out some of Hector. Not painful, not really. Second time, ok, a little bit more uncomfortable. Third time, yeah, not quite liking this much. Fourth time, FUCK ME DEAD! Did he just pull my damn nipple through my boob??? To the doctor I calmly said "I felt that one" and he said, "ok, we'll stop there". Thank God for that!

The nurse is pressing dressing down hard on my boob which is now throbbing wildly. Hector is obviously complaining that someone had stolen pieces of him without permission. Nurse says "Do you often bleed a lot?" Define 'a lot' lady! I mention that sometimes when I donate plasma I can take a little longer to stop bleeding and occasionally an ice pack is presented to speed up the process. That's right Hector, pocked, cored and then frozen. Serves you right. An ice pack was not needed and the nurse put some strips on the cut and then covered in that plastic water proof dressing.

The doctor says "Some bruising is normal, usually about the size of a 50 cent piece. If you feel it get hot or develop a fever or are concerned then please call the clinic. Very rarely a hematoma may form which can be drained by inserting a needle in to drain off the blood." Ok, sounds good. I was looking forward to taking the mask off and of course a shower when I got home. Not quite so much sticking of the paper gown this time around, for which I was grateful. Results for the biopsy could take up to a week.

I got home and apart from a slightly throbbing boob I didn't think much of the biopsy until I got dressed in my PJ's. Size of a 50 cent piece? I had about $10.50 worth of bruising. I know I have big boobs but seriously!!! About a quarter of my boob was a mottled blue colour. I took a photo and sent it to a text message group which consists of my four sisters. Shocked and horrified emoji's flood in from them. I never really do follow the norms so why would a biopsy be different?

Time to go to bed as I was flying out to Narrabri tomorrow, Tuesday. Looking forward to starting my new job and having some money come in again. The boob was slightly uncomfortable but I got to sleep fine without pain killers.