60. Am I part Na'vi?

Bones of iron? Or maybe carbon fibre like the Na'vi in Avatar? I'll back up a bit to get some context.

On Mon 24th I had a session talking with Paula and then went to my GP to get my first injection of Zoladex. This is part of my hormone therapy. It's a small little pellet injected under the skin in my abdomen and is a 28 day release. I gave the box with the syringe to Dr Keppler and she opened it up and read all the instructions to make sure she was doing everything correctly. It was a BIG syringe. The instructions said to check that part of the pellet was visible in the "window" of the syringe. She was looking at it and then we both had a look. It was meant to look like a grain of rice. "If it's like long grain it probably is in there but if it's short grain then it's too skinny. Definitely not wild rice though" I comment. She laughs a bit and we both agree that whatever it is there is something in there white looking. She take off the safety clip on the handle part and then the cap. "Woah, that is one big needle gage!" she exclaims. She's right, it's bigger than the needle that goes in when I used to donate plasma. It's meant to go in about a 35-45 degree angle to the abdomen. She pinches the skin which is about 10 cms below my waist and inserts the needle. I didn't feel a thing. She pushes the syringe down until she hears the click and then pulls the needle out. It was meant to have a safety needle sheath that comes down automatically but it needs a bit of a tap before it clicks into place. We have a look and the white part is now silver so we agree that it's in. She reads through the common side effects and then gets to the uncommon ones. We both agree it's best to read those ones knowing my history of having weird reactions. So far the only one of any of the effects is having some bone pain like I did when I was on the Paclitaxel chemo. I'll let my oncologist know about those on Friday. A few days ago I felt like my right foot was being squished slowly in a burning hot vice and a couple of nights ago my left knee and thigh were doing the sharp stabbing pains. With my foot it was lasting for a good hour pretty constantly and I had to take some panadol but with the knee it was intermittent and apart from some short, sharp intakes of breath I could handle those ones.

Talking about bones, Zoladex can increase the risk of osteoporosis. Hence me having a bones scan on Wed 26th. Dr Michael had put WBBS, Whole Body Bone Scan, on the referral but one of the staff came out and said "I'm one of the scientists here at the clinic and we just need to confirm what the scan is looking for as the name of the scan and the intended outcome comments don't seem to match up. We think your Dr meant a Bone Mineral Density Scan instead." I said he was hoping for a base line of how strong my bones are to see if the Zoladex impacts my bone strength. He said that would be the bone mineral density scan and they would do that for me. It's a lot quicker and I don't need to have the tracer injection. He said that they will write a note to my oncologist and if she still wants a WBBS then I can have it too at a later date. The scan took about 20 mins or so. I lay down on my back and the scan machine looked similar to an x-ray machine. The lady took a few pictures and then looped my left foot into something so that it pulled my big toe to a 45 degree angle over to the right side. She took some more pictures. Then I was done. I had a look at the results when I got home and there was no sign of osteoporosis. Just the opposite. Looking at the chart they had my T-score measured against the average for different age groups and mine was almost off the top of it. I'm 121-149% stronger than the average 20 year old score - there were 3 different measurements they take. I showed my GP when I saw on last Monday and her comment was "Do you have Iron for bones?" I'm guessing that is why I have never broken a bone even though I have had some pretty crazy injuries.

I'd gone back to the GP to get another referral so had showed her the scan results. When I got the injection she did one for Dr Inder again and also one for Dr Chen as I will be seeing her this Friday. The day after I saw her I got a letter about my radiotherapy and I need a new referral for Dr Morris too. I'd also gotten another ultrasound on my right foot. Where I got the stone stuck in it a few months ago it has been sore again and annoying me quite a bit, especially walking in bare feet. Which, as most of you know, I do A LOT. The guy who did the ultrasound had a good look around, said there was a bit of a fluid pocket inside but nothing concerning. There was also a bit of scar tissue showing up. Discussed with the GP and possibly because my toes and balls of my feet were numb more with the chemo and now they are less numb perhaps I'm feeling it more. Maybe the healing was delayed because of the chemo too. If it's not getting better, or if it is worse when I see her for my second injection, she can send me to a podiatrist to see if they have any ideas. We decided that it's a bit of a crazy angle to inject the Zoladex myself so I'll see her to do the injections.

I had a massage from Carlie on Mon 24th which was so nice. We had a good chat about the operation, what my mobility was like and which were the areas which I wanted extra work on. We talked about how Renee had done a scar massage at Restore so that Carlie had some idea of what to do as well. I had done a test run the night before to see how I would go lying on my front. Weirdest feeling where I got the point where I would've normally had my boobs in the way and then there was a good 15 cms or more space before I was fully flat lying on my front. I did need a rolled up towel under my forehead during the massage as my scars are still a bit tender to have too much weight on them for extended period of time.

The nurse has come a few times in the last two weeks and last Thursday I am officially discharged from their service. My left drain scar makes me laugh every time I see it. When I look down on it, it's a smiley face 😀 almost exactly like that emoji. The right side is too but the eyes are a bit wonky and not quite a smile. More like this 😮 but with the eyes diagonal. My boob scars are looking really good. I put jojoba oil on them twice a day and also do a massage at the same time. The right side has a bit of fluid in it still, but not really a different amount than when I saw Dr Inder last time.

Kim called me up to check how things were going with my treatments and did I have any questions to ask her. We talked about my CT scan and tattoos coming up to plan for the radiotherapy and I asked her which was the best car park to go to at St George Hospital and she said the Gray St multi storey one. The cancer centre is just a short walk from there. The CT scan and planning session was on Aug 1st. I got to the hospital almost an hour early. I was unsure how the traffic would be and I'd been told to check in half an hour before my appointment. I found where the clinic was and then went and sat in a little park that is on the hospital grounds and got out my travel box of hexagons. I'm mainly sewing the fabric covered ones together now but still do need a few different colour shades and some really light and really dark ones too. At 10.30am I went and checked in. They have a self check in computer similar to self check in at the airport. After I had checked in I got a text message saying my code was SIM188 and I would get another text message when they were ready for me. It was about 11.35am so over half an hour late. I actually had just used up the last template so I need to cut some more before I start radiotherapy so I have a stash again.

I'm taken into the CT scan room and Dr Morris meets me and gets to read and sign a form. I'm then introduced to 4 people and then asked to take off my mask and stand with my back to the closed door and they take my photo. Next to my head on the door was my name and birthday. I'm told they have that on my records so they can confirm I am who I say I am for my treatments. I'm asked to strip off my top half and lie down on the flat skinny bed that was jutting out the front of the CT scanner. This one looks like a donut on it's side and the table goes through the middle. One of the nurses says that the blue canvas under my head is actually an air and bean bag type thing that they will mould around my head and arms (which are held above my head) so that I don't move from the main position I should be in. Once I lie down she hummmmmmsssss and says to the other 2 in the room. "Do you think her chest wall is a little steep?" They think perhaps it is and ask me to get off the table. I sit up and swing my legs off and almost collide with a guy who was about to give me a blue strap that was attached to the wall opposite. It's to help you sit up. "You must have good core muscles". (Thank you Lewis, I think to myself). They faff about with some other contraption that has a bit of an incline so that my head about be elevated about 20 degrees off the table. Meanwhile I'm standing around topless. I had no self conscience feelings like I would've had if I'd been standing there with boobs hanging out. Another guy comes in and he's introduced as one of the managers. He says I probably wouldn't need to be quite so elevated and to put back the other board. Another guy walks in and he's also a manager. I'm asked to lie down again and all five of them stare at me for a few seconds and then one of the guys says "The chest wall is a big steep but can you move your head to the left as far as you can (I comply), yes, that is good. Now, can you put your arms as far above you head, good, now unclasp your hands and grasp your forearms about midway. Great. Can you hold that position (sure). Excellent. Good mobility after only 5 weeks since surgery. It will be ok to access those top lymph nodes in this position." They are going to target the lymph nodes below my collar bone and the ones down my inner rib cage to the bottom of my ribs.

Now that the big boss has approved how I'm lying the other three people starts to mould the bean bag thing around my arms and head. I'm told I can start to relax my hands and the bag holds my arms and I can relax a bit better. My scars pull a bit but it's not painful, just like a really really tight muscle that needs to be stretched. Even though I've been praised for my mobility I make a mental note to do more stretches each day to help. I'm probably in the same position for 20 minutes while they draw on me, in red. Apparently it's meant to be a red pen as the guy (who was training maybe) had a blue one and was told to swap it. There is some stickers put on me too. One person feels for the dip between my collarbone at the base of my throat and then at the base of my sternum. More pen marks and stickers. Then some thin tubing is stuck over my boob scars. This is to mark them on the CT scan.

They are done their little arts and crafts project and I'm told they will step out of the room to take the CT pictures. The table moves me in and out of the donut hole 3 times and then it starts to whir and I can see the black part of the middle start to spin, like little stars spinning in the sky. I then go through the machine slowly. The whole thing takes about 5 mins and then the people are back. Now it's tattoo time. All the sticky things and the tubing is taken off and some ink drops are put on my skin. The tattoos are like little freckles and are made with a needle but not like a normal tattoo machine, it's just the needle. The first one is under my left armpit about an inch below my scar. He shall be named Dennis. The next is at the base of my sternum - hello Deirdre. Then I have two on the other side of my scar on my right side. I'm told that the Darren and Doug tattoos will be more painful but I don't feel a thing. I tell them that it's still numb from my surgery last November. I figure as they are permanent they need to have names. They are just random D names that came to mind. I finally can move my arms and head again and can sit up. This time I do use the strap thing to sit up as I have been stuck still for almost 45 mins now.

I go back into the waiting room to wait to see one of the nurses so she can talk skin care with the radiotherapy. I don't have to wait too long. I see Dr Michael come out and take in a patient. I am quite bummed that he is no longer working at Sutherland. Being a public patient I can't choose who my oncologist is going to be. I am told that Dr Chen is going to be a permanent appointment so let's hope so. After about 10 mins a nurse comes and gets me and we got to a room on the opposite side of the corridor to where the 3 radiation machines are located. She asks me some questions, allergies, health status, am I diabetic, do I smoke, do I drink, do I exercise. She says that it is important to moisturise the area being treated at least 3 times a day with either moogoo, QV cream or sorbelene cream. I tell her a number of people have said that moogoo is the best one to use. She then says that during treatment there is a gel that can be put on the skin to help but it's $160 a tube and I'd need at least two tubes. Ummmm no, there is no way I could afford that. She says there is a free option and goes out for a few seconds and comes back with a box and takes out something that looks like a little see through rectangle about 10cm by 5cm. She says these can be placed on the treatment area and can help with skin complications. I ask what it's made out of and she says "It's hypoallergenic and I haven't heard of anyone have any issues". I ask her to see if it says on the box what it's made of. After reading the tiny print for a bit she says "super soft silicone, but it should be ok". I remind her I'd just told her of my reaction to the silicone drains and she looks at her sheet and says "oh yeah". She says she can put one on me as a test run for 48 hours. She sticks it on the right side of my abdomen. This was around 1.30pm. I was woken up at 3am because I was starting to be itchy so I took it off. Definitely not going to be using that stuff either. I had asked her about jojoba oil as that is what I usually use and she said to check when I have my first session. That will be on Aug 14th. The time I was given was 1.30pm but I have asked if it could be make to be finished by 11am or start after 3pm as I want to continue to do my exercise classes with Lewis. The request has been put in the system for me. If I haven't heard a confirmation by Wed I'll call them. The sessions are meant to be around the same time every day for the 16 sessions.

My non medical news is I have sewn a lot of hexagons together. 579 so far. I am needing to design a 4th board (remember each board fits 193 on it and I need to do 12 all up) which I will do today. I have finished off the fat quarter quilt top, added a border onto it and have pinned it all together, old sheet for the bottom and an old blanket for the wadding. I haven't quite figured out how I'll quilt it yet but have been thinking about it. I also have been enjoying choir practice and Désirée (choir director) has decided to also create a musical ensemble group of people who play instruments that would've been played during medieval times. I have my wooden flute but also we have a couple of recorders at home. A wooden descant and a white/cream plastic alto. I would really love to have a nice alto and tenor wooden recorders. There is something so beautiful about wooden instruments. I'm not sure if my fingers and hands are big enough to play a base recorder. I really like playing the alto recorder and the fingering is very similar to the wooden flute I have. Both are in the key of D. Désirée sent through 10 pieces of music, most of then recorder quartets and it has been really great learning them. Our next concert is at the Blackheath choir festival and we are singing on Sun 27th Aug. One of our pieces from the ensemble will be used then too. I've also been baking too, trying out new recipes.

One of the best things in the last week is I can finally lie on my sides to sleep. It is SO much more comfortable. I also have been doing a lot more during my exercise classes and am going to start back with my boxing class on Wednesday nights too. Start getting some more cardio in and if my foot lets me, start back into running again. That's another reason to stop it hurting. I love to go running, especially trail running. The Sutho 2 Surf run is this month. It's an 11km run which I have done a few times. Sutherland to Cronulla. I will aim to run that next year again.