46. The Eye(s) of Sauron

It's chemo VII (taxol III) today, Tuesday28th. At breakfast I take 1x Dexamethasone, 1x Claratyne and 1x Famotidine, plus my antibiotics which is Cephalexin. My foot is sore but I hadn't needed to take any pain killers through the night. I'd organised with Aunty Lori to take me to my chemo appointment as driving was not happening today. 10am appointment, only running about 5 mins late this week. Donna is my nurse today. 138.7kg, 36.8c, 134/90, 98%.

There is only one seat left in the clinic so it's busy today. Donna asks how my week has been. I give her the run down of symptoms, pain in joints, tired, some diarrhoea on Thurs, what happened to my foot. She checks my bloods and says my neutrophil blood count was a bit low so the antibiotics should get any infection before it starts, if it was going to. She gets out all the bits and pieces they normally do. She has a feel of Persephone. As usual there is a lot of playing around with her. Donna checks what size needle was used last week and says she'll use a longer one, that might help as Persephone is sunk into the breast tissue a bit, also at a downwards angle and at about 45 degrees tilt. Instead of putting the needle in facing me and going down towards my boob she comes up over my shoulder and pushes down and up towards my collarbone. She misses Persephone the first go, apologises and really presses hard to with her left fingers so that Persephone is showing up more promantly under my skin. She gets it the second time. Both times hurt but not like the local in my foot had done. The pain goes away quickly. She gets a blood return straight away. At least that is something that has gone right the first time. I'm all finished chemo by 12.30pm, about 68 hexagons today. She dresses my foot, gives me some extra dressings and an iodine stick to take home to keep it clean and dry for the week.

Ange picks me up and there is a Turkish Gozleme stall at the front of the hospital. I sent her a message to see if she wanted one and she did so I order and by the time she arrives it's ready. Very yummy. I haven't had one for a while. We go home and Evie wants to bake a "cookie in a mug". One of John Kanell's recipes. We do that after lunch and it works great. I made one for Pither too. Mither says my eyes look a bit tired, they are a bit scratchy but they can get that way sometimes. I also think the Taxol can cause dry eyes. When they left I did some designing on Procreate and then made an easy cheat pizza for dinner. Self raising flour and cooked in a frying pan. A Jamie Oliver recipe.

When I started eating dinner it felt like someone had poured acid in my eyes. They were crazy red and I had to take my contacts out straight away and wash them out. Did I get something in them? It felt like they were burning. NOT HAPPY! I put some eye drops in them. Maybe they did get too dry today? I finished dinner and then went and had a shower and gave my eyes are good wash out. They were still stinging a lot and were running tears. Early to bed for me tonight again. Not much I can do without contacts in. My foot is feeling better though.

When I wake up they are still red and sore. Gummy around the eyelids and eyelashes too. I give them a wash again. I don't put my contacts in yet but give them a good deep clean with the special progen solution. I do this once a month but I figured it couldn't hurt them. I had a dentist appointment at 11.10am today. I had to get my tooth fixed so I gritted my teeth and put my contacts in. The dentist fixed my tooth but said it probably needs a crown for a long term fix but that will have to be after my cancer treatments. When I get home I take my contacts out again.

Didn't do much for the rest of the day, "watched" some Netflix, mostly listening. It was Emergency NYC. It was real people and as I've watched lots of medical shows most of the time I knew what they were doing even though I couldn't see much. The first module of the TBI MOOC was out but I can't see enough to do that yet. My 💩 diary was getting a work out. I don't think the antibiotics agree with me, just like when I was in the hospital ward. Maybe it's a combination of the chemo and antibiotics. My eyes aren't really getting better, still very red and burning. I did go to an exercise class with Lewis in the evening, it's the arthritis class Mither goes to. It didn't matter I couldn't see that much but it was good to move and stretch the body as it's been a week since I went.

I can handle a lot of things that are uncomfortable (physically, emotionally, mentally) but not being able to see and not know the reason WHY was wearing me thin. If it was the chemo did that mean that I'd have to stop the dose or reduce? What if something was in my eye? I made an appointment to see my optometrist on Thursday morning. I also had a massage Thursday afternoon. Originally that had been Monday afternoon but it had to be changed as I was still in emergency getting my hoof looked at. As I was lying in bed trying to sleep I had a thought that maybe it was an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. They were a type I hadn't had before. So I look up the info sheet for them online and a severe reaction can be "burning eyes". Well, that's probably why they weren't really getting better as I had continued to take them through the day.

Thursday I stop off at the pharmacy on the way to the optometrist to check with them about whether they agree with my allergic reaction assessment. She thinks it's highly probable and also checks to make sure that there isn't any cross reactions with the chemo or other medications I'd taken on Tuesday. There didn't seem to be. She tells me to call my oncologist and let him know. I leave a message at reception and she says she'll email it to Dr Michael. I head off to the optometrist and Peter looks at my eyes and said there is nothing physically wrong he could see and as both eyes were red and burning he also agrees it seems like an allergic reaction. I could wear my right contact lens so was able to see enough to drive ok. Maybe not quite the safest but I was extra careful and took the quiet roads. He said to not wear my left lens until the red goes away and for the next week give my eyes a break from the contacts as much as I can.

I have my massage which was very nice. Something I definitely needed after the last few days that's for sure. I take my right lens out for the afternoon and "watched" some more of Emergency NYC. At dinner I bit the inside of my lip. Oh come on! Lucky it seems to have closed up and hasn't become an ulcer.

On Friday morning Evie was over for a few hours whilst Jon and Ange had something to do together. I didn't have my contacts in but decided I wanted to make bagels. My eyes were not as red today and less stinging. One day without the antibiotics has helped. Bagels are the one food I miss from the USA and it's really hard, near impossible, to get good ones here. I had made a recipe before but they didn't work that well. John Kanell had his latest video up his week and it was a bagel recipe. They worked so great. Definitely will be making them again. Very easy too. Evie liked them too and wanted to take one home. I also cooked the last two double choc chip cookies I had in the freezer. They are a Cupcake Jemma recipe. You can keep the dough in the freezer until you want to bake them. It's nice to have a recipe you can bake one or two at a time. I tried some of the cookie and the chocolate doesn't quite taste like metallic dirty cardboard but more like really bad cheap compound chocolate now.

This morning I did an exercise class with Lewis, contacts in again. My left eye is very slightly pink so I will be taking them out again soon. I needed to update the blog. A LOT has happened this week and I was getting behind. It was just a bit hard to write it when I couldn't see. I guess on Tuesday we will know for sure whether or not it was the antibiotics or the chemo (or maybe both) that made my eyes burn. If it happens again then maybe it's the chemo. I really really really hope not. It was one of the worst feelings I'd had in a long time. Unfortunately I couldn't find a photo of the Eye of Sauron but an asteroid flying towards a sun seemed just as appropriate.