12. I'M MELTING!

Friday. I wake up. I'M MELTING! I feel that my side is wet. Did the bra dislodge the drain? I feel all yucky and so take a shower. I tell Mither that it is leaking, just as I feel drops slide down my side. Eeeek! Thank goodness Justin arrives early around 9.30am. "How's everything today?" he asks. "I'm leaking, I'm melting". I hear the wicked witch of the west's voice in my head. Justin quickly has a look and wonders if the bag was faulty on the drain as he said that the suction had been lost. 90ml. That's good but how much has been lost that should've been captured? 10ml? 20m? More? He changes the bag. Nope, something is wrong. Suction still isn't working. Something is wrong with the bellows. Good thing I have an appointment with Dr Inder today. To save me leaking again, Every few mins I squeeze together the bellows to manually do the suctioning. The bellow is looking pretty nasty inside. Stringy red bits stuck to the side. Justin makes up an- 'emergency RN dressing' bag for Ros. Just in case there needs to be some redressing during the weekend. If I can, leave it on until Monday. My skin is getting worse and a piece of it came off today. Justin puts some sort of covering over it to help it heal.

The appointment with Dr Inder is at 11.15am. I am able to drive down to Miranda ok. I park up the top of Miranda Fair as usually there is more chance of getting a free spot up there. BUSY! Oh yeah, Christmas shopping time. Everyone is out, franticly doing their shopping. I did get a parking spot and we walk through the shopping centre towards her office (opposite the train station). I stop by the Apple Store, the charger plug for my phone had stopped working. It's super busy, won't be able to get it before the appointment.

Dr Inder's waiting room has a few people in it already waiting. An older lady with perhaps her daughter were there. She sees I have a drain in and says "Me too", holding out her tube and bag. "Mine is leaking" I say. "Me too, from the bottom of the bellows". "Mine isn't doing that but it isn't suctioning". Another lady came in to sit down. She also has a drain in too. The statistics for Australia for breast cancer is 1 in 7 women. I guess most need to have surgery. Dr Inder must be busy. The appointment runs about half an hour late.

"How's things going?" Dr Inder asks. I tell her about the drainage issue. She has a look and says the bellows section needs to be replaced. She checks in her cupboard but doesn't have a spare. She calls Sutho Hospital and talks to Kim, can she find a new one? She'll call back. Dr Inder starts to go through my report from the final pathology. Not as good news as she had been hoping. 34 lymph nodes had been taken out. Impressive number! A number of them had cancer cells in them and the largest tumour was 15mm. Hector was 19mm. I guess the lymph one needs a name too. Lionel the lymph leech? That'll do. Now I know why the drain had been put in and there was such a big scar. For Hector, he has been evicted but when the lab tested the margins (to make sure all the cancer cells were removed) one section was still a bit close. Dr Inder says it's up near the skin so it's not urgent. If it was deeper in she would have to go in soon, through the same incision, to clear it. But, that's not the first port of call for treatments. Chemotherapy is first off the rank, also radiotherapy and hormone therapy. She is going to send a referral to Dr Jonathan Man, he is at Sutho Hospital. That's good, St George is a further away and more traffic to deal with.

Kim calls back. They don't have any bellowvac drains at Sutho. Dr Inder calls Moira at St George Hospital. Leaves a message. Where were we? Oh right, referral to Dr Man. It's more important to do these treatments first and then, if needed, another surgery for the remnants of Hector. She says I need to get a PET scan (Positron Emission Tomography - imaging test that reveals the metabolic functions in organs and tissues. A radioactive tracer is injected to help with the scan images). This is to make sure that Hector and Lionel don't have any relatives hiding out in other parts of my body. Moira calls back, she thinks she can find the right drain, she'll call me when she has it and I can go up to St George to get it installed. Déjà vu? Didn't we go to the hospital after Dr Inder last time? Maybe we are stuck in the Matrix.

Dr Inder wants to have a look at my incision sites. She peels off the dressings, the one under my arm pulls off some skin. Supposedly the Comfeel dressings shouldn't do that. Never one to follow the crowd. Grandpa Heldon gave me a sticker when I was little, it said "Why be normal when you could be yourself." Yeah, exactly. Just be you. The one my arm was healing nicely, the boob one wasn't quite there. Gravity probably doesn't help. What's the name of the 80's song that has gravity in the chorus. I have the tune running through my head. Dr Inder puts some strips on the incision, like white tape caterpillars, or maybe flat witchetty grubs. I guess it fits, the bruising still looks a bit like leaf litter. There are some red colours coming through. Autumn colours. She says the drain will come out on Thursday next week as it will be two weeks and she doesn't want it in any longer even if my levels aren't down near 30ml. Sigh, almost another week? Appointment over, I ask about a medical certificate for work. They haven't asked for one but I thought it was a good idea to get one anyway. The receptionist, Michelle, asks me "For what dates would you like?" Oh, I can choose? Let's do it until the end of the year. Who knows how many appointments I will have until then, besides, my arm and side won't be up for pulling, pushing, stretching and lifting for my job. I have a brief sense of loss about having my job on hold but there is nothing I can do apart from what I am doing. I can't help other people if I am not healthy and well.

Mither and I head over to the food court at Miranda Fair. Lunch and then go to the Apple Store to get a new phone charger. Moira calls, she has the new bellowvac and if I can get to the hospital by 3pm she can change it for me. Yep, can do that. I get a new charger and cable for my phone. I'd been using the cable from my iPad as the one for my phone was in my car. I also get some cheese and crackers as it's the women's retreat tonight and we are catering our own dinner for the night. The rest of the meals are catered. I'm not going to get there by 3pm but I'd organised for Ruth to get the keys just in case.

Into the car and drive to St George. Found a nice close parking spot to the main entrance. Find my way to the ambulatory unit reception and call Moira. She'll be there in about 5 mins. She whooshes in, ladened with all sorts of bags on both shoulders. She is borrowing a bed in the unit to change the bag for me. I sit down, her phone rings. She apologises. "It just won't stop today!" she says, sounding slightly frazzled. She steps out, takes the call and then hunts for some forceps to squish the tube when the drain is changed. She asks another nurse for some help and off they go to find some. Success but only one pair found. I'll hold the tubing closest to me, folding it over and squishing it tight, like I've done with the garden hose at times. All changed over in about 5 mins. Suction working - check. 60ml from the old one to add to my total tomorrow. She has some special bags that are made by volunteers to put the drain bellows and bag in. As I didn't get one when I was in the hospital I get to pick. Not the hideous pink one, not the crazy psychedelic one. I think I'd get a headache look at that. There is a cream background with little leaves on it. Some have slight touches of pink but it's the best choice. It also fits in with the leaf little/fungus theme for the boob bruises.

Back in the car, drive home, pack for the weekend, drive down to Stanwell Tops, arrive at 5.15pm. Time to relax for a bit.